#and now I kinda lost all interest
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I really need to stop getting my hopes up and brainstorming/ building D&D characters for campaigns that aren’t finalized or don’t even exist
#I just love making characters in general#and when I get an idea I love just completely running with it#but that’s how I end up getting disappointed and creating characters I will never get to play#I haven’t even been officially invited to this one#I was just told there might be an opening#and I misunderstood and thought our characters needed to be just based on a character from pop culture#and then I got super excited about playing Edward Elric as an eldritch knight#and ideally I would want to multi class eventually as a transmutation wizard#and I thought it’d be cool if he was a variant human mark of making#it would work so perfectly for his character#I know I know there’s an alchemist sub class but that doesn’t actually fit end#but anyways turns out the character needs to be from a piece of media that’s at least 30 years old#and ideally is from a classic novel or myth or fair tale or something#but it can’t be Shakespeare#and now I kinda lost all interest#cuz I really wanna play an eldritch knight#but I can’t think of a character who would fit that who isn’t a middle aged man or an archer#and wanna either be young or a woman and I wanna sword#and I don’t wanna have to pick someone who reserved or devoutly religious#but I also don’t wanna play a trickster#maybe I just need to read more older stuff but I just like modern characters better#don’t get me wrong there’s plenty of classic stories I love#but I never find myself really relating to those characters#I should stop worrying about this because I probably won’t even be invited to play#but now I just desperately wanna play ed#of the yandere barbarian characters I’ve been thinking about#I also had a city Druid character I never got to play#and a warlock I only got to play for one session#for how much I think about D&D and watch D&D content#I’ve played so little actually D&D
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mini dump🏌
#i think i broke my neck by doing absolutely nothing#also um. thats bulterier on the right :з i like them a lot#i drew her more already but i dont like other pics as much#komashkart#megurine luka#vocaloid#furry#sfw furry#a funny thing is i wanted to go back to drawing silly mundane things daily for fun. n then couldnt draw for like 2 months at all#n i kinda lost interest to almost everything somehow but also picked back up abandoned hobbies🚶idk#also i now mix up right n left. it must be covid but idk🚶🚶🚶🚶
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We have to go back, Kate.
#lost#lostedit#tvedit#lost spoilers#kate austen#jack shephard#nikolatexla#hi anon this is for you and all jate shippers <3#there are so many scenes of them but unfortunately i don't have all the eps#especially the scenes where they kissing and the first time they met :')#so i want to talk about that last gif a bit 😩😭#i don't want to talk about charlie's death i don't think i can handle this#oh my god i thought sarah was coming out of the car and WHO CAME INSTEAD#when i first saw bearded jack i kinda thought it's probably after the island but i wasn't sure#so i saw kate and my heart skipped a beat#i literally cried when jack said i want every single plane to crash#now who is waiting for kate and whose funeral was that...#i can't describe how i felt during that scene so i'm moving to the next issues#so i met daniel miles and charlotte today aghhhh#and the man who gave them order is the man with hurley in hospital... interesting#i'm having a hard time understanding locke rn because he absolutely didn't have to shoot naomi#i mean he's acting like ben. ben shot him and now he does the same thing to sbd else#and hurley saw jacob. and i couldn't figure out who's sitting on that chair... thought maybe jack's father but no#and hurley said oceanic six??? only six people survived huh...#and the best part is... ben was sayid's boss#I HAVE SO MANY QUESTIONS#my heart didn't just skip a beat. it stopped right there#this show's the best thing that's ever happened to me#people say its finale was garbage you know what i really don't care
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#mine musings#not tagging etc etc#i just want to ramble (this is about lc)#do people feel like lg's character is incomplete without a backstory?#like a “past” before he met cxs#i feel like it's a nice-to-have thing (wouldn't be opposed to it) but i don't think his character requires it to be fully fleshed out yknow#his character is strongly defined by his role in the narrative because that's how stories work. but like#i do feel like we've learned a lot about him that would've stayed constant even if cxs isn't in his life though#like idk i just don't understand calling him a plot device i guess#like would he be more interesting if it was revealed he got attached to cxs so easily bc he had some kind of unhappy childhood or whatever?#i mean if it's executed well. sure?#personallyyyyyyy i think it's already compelling if he's just like. some guy#he's just some nerdy kid who made a friend and felt grief and loss for the first time and couldn't take it#like. that's compelling to me. unhappy childhood would be interesting too but like. there's nothing wrong with lg being just Some Guy™ imo😭#maybe it's bc i like the idea that lg could be anyone#and what i mean is like. that could be me. that could be you#all it takes is to find a love and friendship you're not willing to let go of. and as S1 has shown many clients have the same regrets#the only difference is that they never had the ability to change the past like lg did#like cxs said in YE1. everyone would want to have the ability to change the past. it's human nature#and i like the idea that the love and grief lg went through isn't something that's unique to him#like obviously it's unique in the sense that he makes it worse for himself with time loops#but like. the love he experienced could also happen to me. could also happen to you#same with the grief#i'm realizing as i'm rambling here that THIS is actually what i love about lg's character#now i kinda wish i didn't hide this in the tags lmao but whatever#i didn't want to invite debates over this and like if director li wants to give him a backstory that's fine#but the way lg is right now. i don't think he's “just a plot device”#and i don't think he's an incomplete character#i'll accept any backstory but god i really wish he stays being just Some Guy who loved and lost and continues to love and lose#because it's human and normal and everyone goes through it
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I hate watching people I'm close to and people I bonded over vocaloid with grow out of it and start listening to real people and becoming more invested in other interest because that means they'll grow out of ME and I'll die
#Vocaloid special interest curse#all my intrest revolve around vocaloid ot have something to do with it#i tryyy to get into other things to bond with my friends but it just feels so forced and it just doesn't bring me the same joy#i remember trying to get inti tbhk awhile ago for someone but lost interest and yet continued reading for their sake#and now ive forgotten everything about it and don't talk to that person much anymore and i feel like an absolute clown#i feel like my inability to get into other things is why i don't have many friends and wjy the friends i do are closer to eachother#<- than with me#idk i hate seeing my mutuals and freinds constantly int w eachother while im just kind of there waiting to be included to no avail#sorry for ranting in the tags hgrhh#i feel the only person i really talk to these days because of this is my qpp (hi lemy ilysm) but also i take days to respond to messages so#i wish i could form meaningful bonds with people but alas my mental and physical disabilities prevent me from doing so#maybe its like that for a reason i think i just wasn't made to have friends#no ones going to read this probably#🎀・ ˎ riliane post!#🎀・ ˎ tea time!#rant#vent kinda#PLEASE i promise you ive tried to get into project sekai. ive tried tbhk ive tried to get into more things but i just. don't like it
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Honestly, sucks that vi never gets a break.
#like seriously.#and honestly they wrote it as being her fault#she didnt get through to powder and honestly she didnt try hard enough#now jinx is a monster and caitlyn lost her mother#and whats vi gonna do#and caitlyn whats she gonna do be the fucking cop? when is vi gonna stand up and be vander's heir?#though honestly i guess i kinda get jinxs thinking - she always destroys and kills she just killed her adopted dad who killed her adoptedda#one leader dead lets kill the rest of the leaders dead#is anybody thinking about fair wages ??? anyone????#what was the stupid fucking independence plan of silko's supposed to accomplish??? theyre literally the labour to the middle class right???#or are you trying to say theyr just crime city#well anyway#arcane#vanders actual heir hes a little more interesting tbh#vi has actually kinds been booted from her own narrative every time by that guy#whats his name#ekko#ekko and jinxs fight was supposed to be hers#well anyway idk its all just revenge and pain and explanation on how the lanes even work like WHO IS WORKING IN THE HAMMER FACTORY
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if i may allow myself a monthly Joker Moment, a lot of the harshness i have towards myself tends to be a side effect of how the rpc as a whole tends to operate.
i have a lot of joy and love for the things i create. when i share them in rp spaces here though? sometimes it gets hard to keep loving them, and myself as well.
#💔 ˚₊ · 𝖔𝖚𝖙 𝖔𝖋 𝖈𝖍𝖆𝖗𝖆𝖈𝖙𝖊𝖗 ✗ long lost words whisper slowly to me. ❞#negative cw#tbd.#don't get me wrong. it's not as though i /don't/ experience joy when sharing my creations here.#and i really do appreciate all the love and support i've received in return.#re-reading messages/threads/etc. here often cheers me up during bad days.#there's just a level of instability & lack of permanence in the rpc;#that i still haven't quite grasped how to cope with in a healthy manner? (aside from just being here less often lol.)#like... does love and encouragement from a mutual truly mean anything. when in the end they dropped you like a used tissue?#was ur ship truly that special? when u get ghosted the moment ur ship partner finds someone better? more interesting? faster at writing?#did you and your rp partner truly get along? when the slightest misunderstanding or disagreement lands you in their blocklist?#are you really okay when any of the above happens? or are you just expected to be?#because if any real life equivalent of any of this stuff happened to you irl. you'd be hurt. you'd be sad. that is normal.#sometimes i feel like there's this expectation to react to hurtful things like a machine in rp spaces.#and just... keep moving and operating like normal in spite of something upsetting happening. it's odd.#and it gets hard to remember that i'm actually a person. who deserves to be treated like a person.#(ironically. typing all this is making me remember some characters i made for staticmonitor's lore when i was active on the blog.#they were a commentary on some tumblr rpc-isms. but i found them too negative to fully realize. it's funny to think about now tbh.)#anyways... plz excuse the crashout here. i had a shit day at work and i'm kinda derealized lmao.#i'll delete this later.
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#ugh. fuck me im so tired. im getting sucked back into that workaholic mindset and now my body hurts and my nerves are fying. but it feels#good to b productive. if only i didnt have to teach and could just work with data :-(#anyway. the last 2 weeks have been good in that i feel like im actually hitting my stride a bit#bc we're seeing cool things in our genomes and its gonna b really fun to explore. and i met with the terrifying#prof who is on my committee to pitch a project for a final in her class and it seems it went over well. it was kinda funny bc we were#meeting and she was like: so how would u tell which gene was lost 1st? the phytochrome or the genes that r triggered by activation? and i#was like: uhhhhh idk. and then my advisor walked by and she grabbed him and asked him the same question and he was like: idk we'll have to#figure it out. which made me feel way better abt not knowing lol. then my superior lab mate asked me a question abt taking confocal images#and i was actually able to figure out what her issue was. and my old advisor was asking me if i knew anyone to ask for using a pam on cyanos#and i was like: here is what i think my advisor would say and linked her a paper. then i asked my advisor and he said what i expected and#linked the paper that id already sent. so im like. ok. ok. maybe i actually sometimes do kno what im doing. sorta.#and then my old advisor said she was so proud of me. and i was like aw. its so funny bc my relationship is so different with my new advisor#hes great but its all very professional. with my old advisor i would text her after hours bc she was a workaholic like me and went on long#car rides and handed out Halloween candy with her. she was more hands on and doesnt have kids so work is her life. its just interesting#so things have been going well. but there arent enough hours in the day. and my committee meeting is in like 16 days. and i am afraid for#that but not as afraid as i was in april when i had a full on breakdown and canceled it the day before it was set to happen lol#itll b fine. i just have to work thru the weekend so i can get my preproposal done. and prey that the fucking splitstree download site will#start working bc i want to do gene networks dammit#unrelated
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wanted to post the royals and co. as a set for reference, though the only new things here are the king+queen and koe's updated design :p also most of them didn't get little infoboxes so those will be a first under the cut here ^_^
Name: Andromeda (Andy)
Name origin: The Andromeda Galaxy, named for the mythical princess
Pronouns: She/her
Age: 20
Title: Heir apparent
Weapon: Flamberge (Same as her mom's)
Ethos (Power): None
Flaw power is based on: N/A
Notes: She wants to go on adventures someday, and make a lot of friends, and be normal. So please drop the "Your highness" and call her Andy!
Name: Cepheus
Name origin: The constellation Cepheus, the king
Pronouns: He/him
Age: 54
Title: King
Weapon: Scepter
Ethos (Power): Authority (The ability to control people’s actions through his words, but not their minds)
Flaw power is based on: His controlling and paranoid nature
Notes: He prefers not to use his ability unless it seems necessary, but ends will justify the means.
Name: Cassiopeia
Name origin: The constellation Cassiopeia, the queen
Pronouns: She/her
Age: -
Title: Queen
Weapon: Flamberge
Ethos (Power): Alis (The ability to generate wings)
Flaw power is based on: Her overconfidence in her own abilities, ironically like a completely different winged mythological figure...
Notes: Before being the Queen, she was the Hero.
Name: Koeia/Koe
Name origin: The star Koeia, whose name literally means "Star"
Pronouns: She/her
Age: 20
Title: Maid/Andromeda's lady in waiting
Weapon: Twin Sickles
Ethos (Power): Blessing (She can make others more powerful through cheering them on)
Flaw power is based on: Her Obsequiousness
Notes: She assures you her devotion to the princess is strictly for non-homosexual reasons
Name: Perseus/Percy
Name origin: The constellation Perseus, the hero
Pronouns: He/him
Age: 21
Title: 1st Knight/Andromeda's personal guard
Weapon: Harpē sword
Ethos (Power): Divine swordstrike (An all-powerful swing of the sword with no limit)
Flaw power is based on: His incredible arrogance and show-offishness
Notes: He assures you that his showy devotion to the princess is as heterosexual as it seems. Also he's the cousin Io from Nova Stella
Name: Ursa
Name origin: Ursa major, the big dipper.
Pronouns: She/her
Age: 38
Title: Major
Weapon: None
Ethos (Power): Bear-handed (Her claws are unbreakable and can slice through any material)
Flaw power is based on: Her hyper-diligence. Her ruthless devotion and adherence. Literally nothing could ever stand in her way.
Notes: She’s the mama bear of Kochab (Ursa minor) from the timber scouts
#reason i wanted to change koe's design was bc i felt like the first one was a bit too basic ig?#wanted to give it more personality beyond being a maid outfit#so a funkier skirt and shorter sleeves and gloves and stuff. idk its more koe and less maid. but still maid#other than that obviously are the two wholly new characters#honestly designing them was interesting in a way bc it was like reverse engineering andys face#i think she takes after her mom more tho#but she also does try to emulate her so thats also part of it#honestly andy is really similar to amary in a lot of ways not just bc of the whole princess thing but the family dynamics to a degree too#there are still some pretty big differences (andy wasnt abused but her father is still really strict and constraining out of worry#and amary's mom was actually kinda the polar opposite of andy's and their emulations are completely different too)#BUT#look read cepheus's flaw. hes not going to be a good guy lol#hes the type that starts out nice enough on the surface but when pushed it will become. again. ends justify the means#very.... 'my way or the highway' type guy i guess. but with power#cassiopeia s more noble than that though despite any arrogance in her skills#its like one side of a balancing act lost#again look at her power. its wings! wings mean freedom! no restraint! touch the sky!#unfortunately kingdoms arent usually about that is the thing#maybe andy can fix it now though#but honestly andy percy and ursa are pretty much all just here for convenience#it wouldve been easier to have a ref post lumping all royals and andy's entourage together. and ursa i guess idk where else shed go lol#i thought abt putting her w the zodiac knights but their theme is too uniform. background color is the same tho so same affiliation#w the royals#also does anyone get my amazing joke. shes a major. major ursa. ursa major. i know i know#ill be here all week#finn's ocs#oc references#finn's art
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Apart from my Hozier/Gale shirt I’m trying to decide how 2014 tumblr-esq I want my fit to be for the concert… honestly I’m thinking very
#I’m twenty eight but I didn’t get to dress like that back when I was 19 I was too Mormon boooooooo#toad rambles#now I will wear a miniskirt and not give a fuck#I’ll wear a miniskirt to work don’t test me (I have I just also wear leggings#I am so gutted my septum grew in#that would have made it The Fit of all time#I used to have so much fun with outfits and such and then I kinda lost that interest#slowly getting back into wearing clothes I actually like that aren’t just tee shirts and jeans#now it’s a miniskirt and tee shirt I guess? progress???
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Person of Interest 1.23 | Firewall
#person of interest#poiedit#tvedit#john reese#nikolatexla#still trying to process this episode#look at john... he's all alone now :(#i knew there was sth fishy going on with that girl#she knew john was a soldier. she was playing stupid#i hope she becomes an ally#i'm so glad i liked this series. kinda sad that it's gonna be my next lost :)
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having kara zor-el thoughts today about her getting out of her ship, and she does not yet know what she is doing so years after she was supposed to. she is trying to focus not on what she's lost, but what she still has, and her first thought is "kal can't sleep without a lullaby, i need to find him and sing him to sleep, he must be so scared and alone" because she is scared, she is alone, she wants nothing more than for someone to sing her to sleep, but it will never happen again, and if she amounts to anything now that the future she was supposed to have is gone, she will do it for her little cousin, who will never even know krypton if not for her
but her cousin is not the little baby she used to babysit, he is a grown adult, older than kara is, and she wonders how the people who took care of him got him to sleep without knowing the kryptonian lullabies he was used to (how will she sleep now?), how quickly kal adapted to the lullabies of earth instead (did he forget the sound of his home entirely?), or who she would have to sing to sleep now that kal-el doesn't need her (who can she ever share with? will she forget, too?)
#yes i'm reposting this off my twt so what#anyway you can assume i am always internally screaming about kara zor-el. i have SO many thoughts about her#the fact that she was created as a joke and her creators (also as a joke) had clark put her in an orphanage-#is of course a moment of 'hehe haha look how ridiculous silver age comics were'#but it also unintentionally sets the mood for her entire character because the one person she knew leaving kryptop she could still have#is now forever lost to her and the version of him she meets is someone else. they are isolated from each other#there's of course a lot of exploration of clark's guilt and hope and disappointment and everything else about krypton#but i'm so much more interested in kara's. she left believing she had to keep her home alive on another planet and share it with others#and she arrives to a world completely different. she meets clark and loses her family all over again because he is her family but he isn't#and there have been attempts to explore this isolation but imo they always feel just so quick and kinda cheap#this is something that will always be a problem for them. this will always stand between them because they are essentially two foreigners#to e/o. but they are also family. and it's a sliding scale which side of the equation they fall to on any given day but it will persist#running circles around my room thinking about kara idk#superman#supergirl#supers#kara zor-el#ń txt
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man in his mid 20s who says tee hee
#art#traditional art#watercolour#oc art#ocs#oc group: lia crystal darling#oc: bibi#I DREW THIS a while back u can see the date in the corner LOL but i didnt scan it because it was like#a tiny little drawing from a tiny little watercolour paper pad and i. lost it JHKDSDds i forgot i had it#BUT I FOUND IT AGAIN so i scanned it finally ~#today i had a slightly wretched critique in one of my classes. kinda incomprehensible. oddly harsh with very little actionable advice#i think ive been really lucky in school with critiques at least post secondarily. most have been very useful and fun and interesting#even if i dont find all the advice useful usually i can at least glean something like a communication issue or something im having#but this one was wack as FUCK only advice i got was basicaly all the work u did sucked u should just redraw year old unrelated work instead#my professor seems to think im on the right track tho i think it was just the TAs who came out the gate swinging LOL#theyre like my age so maybe theyre just overwhelmed about trying to lead a critique like this i think theyre new at it#so i'll try not to be too discouraged but MAN.... so now. i need to post drawings of my anime boys to bring me back down to earth#look at my anime boy. he even has hair covering one eye <3
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I don't know why season 4 like screeched my lost-watching to a halt but it really kind of fell off for me. ever since they've been doing the little off the island flash-forwards it's been losing me. I'm sure there's an interesting compelling storytelling reason for all of it, but from where I'm sitting it changed the whole vibe in a direction I'm not enjoying. I will continue to watch I guess, but it's slow going.
#i can feel it inside me that there's an interesting reason for it#but the shift in focus to the future- them off the island- really ruined some of the magic#like. the whole mystery of why people can't seem to leave and what the smoke monster is and what ben is doing#it all kinda felt less meaningful because now it's like. oh well it doesn't matter they just leave#but idk. im gonna try to watch an episode now#but it's really been dragging for some reason#lost#lost 2004#jennie watches lost
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Can't stop thinking about royal guard Hyunjin x princess reader AU. They cannot communicate much due to a language barrier, but he protects her with his life.
#like maybe she travels to meet some prince and Hyunjin works there and they meet and something happens where he needs to protect reader#all fluff and slow burn#i'm sure this has been done before or seen in a kdrama i'm a baby stay so idk hehe#scared to tag this with stray kids tbh but i guess i just did writing it in this sentence anyway haha#i just idk if i'm having a temporary kpop obsession or a long term one it feels very overwhelming when they've been a group for a while to#learn everything and see every video of them i wanna see and idk how the fandom is it's probably super lovely but what if i make friends an#then my obsession fades away and i'll lose people like i remember being in a fandom for a few years making friends and then my interest#faded and slowly lost contact with those people like i still follow some on ig but yeah i cannot afford to lose more people tbh#idk skz kinda brings me back to my 1d days for some reason like watching the funny moments and reading fics on tumblr haha#i just hate that kpop is linked to bad memories and bad people to me but the difference now is that i'm liking it on my own iniative#not because i feel like i have to change myself in order to be liked to be seen and heard from what was supposed to be my friends#but what i love is that it reminds me that now i'm so comfortable with who i am and i'm not changing myself for anyone#to tell it shortly: friends froze me out because i didn't listen to kpop so even tho it was not my thing i forced myself to get into it so#i could be a part of their conversations and they would like me again i did find songs i liked and such but it wasn't my thing at the time#so it's a bit surprising to me that i am getting into it now but because i want to and it just reminds me of the situation and them but as#said it's also a reminder that now i'm very comfortable about who i am
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Revisiting my Warframe AU
My Warframe AU, that I named "They Live", or "Furframe" for a sillier name, where the warframes ended up looking a bit different and also all being different individuals. Tenno do not exist in this AU, only warframes do.
Now I can't remember every detail about the canon lore so I'm working with that I can remember and understand, since Warframe lore is quite confusing sometimes, so here's my ideas on how it differs from the canon I remember:
When the Orokin first created the warframes, they ended up as more like living creatures than in the official timeline. Many of the warframes have animal-like, or monstrous features.
Each type of warframe was a modified version of the Helminth strain that caused specific features and abilities for each person that was injected with it, though each individual having variations (represented by the different skins, helmets and colours that can be chosen in-game). They started with the prime versions, and then moved to the regular versions later.
The warframes eventually betrayed the Orokin, and after the war was over they went into cryosleep. They are now slowly waking up from their cryosleep, many losing memories and waking up disoriented.
After awakening, some warframes formed clans to work together, some worked with whoever happened to have the same goal at the time, and some remained solo. A group of warframes joins together to make a clan called Ether Alliance. The AU story centers around this clan, consisting of my Warframe OCs.
So in this AU every warframe was once a person that got transformed into a warframe, though most probably lost their memories in the process. I also played around with an idea for a memory-based warframe that the Orokin made to wipe their memories on purpose, choosing someone who volunteered for it.
The warframes lost even more memories from the cryosleep, to varying decrees. Some could remember most of the war, some only had vague impressions, some had it so bad they couldn't remember a thing, not who they are or even what they are, completely clueless to even being warframes.
Now, I decided that the Lotus exists in this AU, therefore I had to tie Margulis and the Lotus' lore into it. Margulis probably saw transforming people into warframes forcibly and then forcing them to fight as immoral and objected to it, and then it goes as it does in canon, with the Tenno replaced by the warframes. That means Ballas looses Margulis because of his own creations, which is very funny I think.
#warframe#warframe au#they live au#furframe au#i believe i immediately started working on this au when i started playing in 2018#kinda slowly lost interest in warframe over-time but now i got back into it a little bit#so i thought i'd put some of the thoughts i've had together like this#no clue as to how i'd add man in the wall into this#i can think of void powers being applied to the warframes somehow by the orokin maybe as separate weapons they carry or something idk#but wally man was met in the void#i guess it could be something like some warframes getting lost in the void for a bit but idk how integral that is to the lore#or if he would have done all the crazy stuff anyway idk#the void lore is the most confusing part
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